


The Tate and Other Places to Avoid when Babysitting Future Super Villains

by tuesday



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Established Relationship, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 03:16:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5811628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesday/pseuds/tuesday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry had survived many things over the years—stabbings, explosions, and even being shot in the head.  Surely he could survive this.  He told Eggsy, "I'll be fine."</p><p>(He was lying.)</p><p>-</p><p>Harry was supposed to have a week's holiday with Eggsy.  Instead, Eggsy is on a mission, and Harry is left alone to care for Eggsy's young sister.  It's the first time Harry's been alone with a child since he was one, but he'll be fine, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tate and Other Places to Avoid when Babysitting Future Super Villains

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elletromil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/gifts).
  * Translation into Tiếng Việt available: [[Vietnamese translation] The Tate and Other Places to Avoid when Babysitting Future Super Villains](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6274564) by [CallMeW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeW/pseuds/CallMeW)



> As you can probably tell by the title, I used your first prompt, elletromil. Hope you enjoy!

Harry had survived many things over the years—stabbings, explosions, and even being shot in the head. Surely he could survive this. He told Eggsy, "I'll be fine."

(He was lying.)

Eggsy beamed at him, expression one of utmost faith in Harry's abilities. "You're the best, love."

His image was soon replaced by Merlin's on the screen. Merlin did not look nearly so taken in. He said, voice dry, "I'll try to get him home as soon as possible."

"Thank you," Harry said.

When he closed the laptop and returned to the living room, Daisy was missing, though the animated film he'd left her watching continued on.

Harry was not going to survive this.

—

The original plan for the week involved taking full advantage of their brief holiday. Harry was just about to confirm the ticket purchases when Eggsy came in, expression apologetic, and said, "Mum needs an emergency babysitter. Great-Aunt Agnes slipped on ice and is in hospital."

The revised plan for the week involved taking Daisy out on the town with her brother. Harry had drawn up a list of potentially child-friendly activities for Eggsy's approval. Even if Eggsy had laughed at half of them—"Just because she likes the art of fingerpainting don't mean she'll actually like the Tate."—it still looked to be a lovely time. And then Merlin had called, expression not the least apologetic, and said, "Kingsmen needs Eggsy. Something's come up that requires his particular skillset."

The current plan for the week? That would indicate actual planning, rather than the quiet panic Harry had been experiencing since he realized a few hours responsible for a tiny human, tops, had morphed into several days alone, with no support in sight.

—

Harry had once tracked down and neutralized a handful of terrorist cells across seven separate countries in the course of five days. Finding a small child was never going to pose a problem. For one, all he had to do was follow the giggling. Daisy had somehow found her way into a laundry hamper, half the clothes on the floor, the rest pulled back in and piled on top of herself.

"Are we playing hide and seek?"

"I am!"

"Well, then." Harry crouched and pulled off one of Eggsy's shirts to reveal her face. "Best find a new hiding place."

Daisy clambered out of the hamper with something like a laughing shriek.

They played several more rounds of hide and seek, followed by Daisy's afternoon snack. By this point, Daisy was fairly well tuckered out. She and Harry settled onto the living room couch once more to finish the earlier movie. Though she'd seen it at least thirty times—"It's my favourite!"—Daisy insisted. After a few minutes, she was fast asleep, curled into Harry's side. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad, after all?

—

It was worse.

When Daisy woke, it seemed to have finally set in that neither Eggsy nor her mother were returning anytime soon. This was when the crying began.

"They'll be back at the end of the week." 

"That's forever!"

"That's only five days," Harry patiently corrected. "It will be over before you know it."

Daisy's wails hit decibels Harry hadn't thought they could reach. Hesitantly, Harry patted her back and tried to pass her a tissue. In response, Daisy shoved her teary, snot-covered face directly into the jacket of his tailored suit. If Harry did survive this, his dry cleaner was going to kill him.

—

After a good twenty minutes, Daisy cried herself into a grouchy exhaustion. As she'd very recently woken from an impromptu nap, she was not prepared to sleep it off. She suffered through Harry cleaning her face with a damp flannel, but every activity proposed after that was met with a terse, "No," at best.

"Would you like to watch the rest of your film?"

"No."

Eggsy had somewhat recently purchased a set of colouring books and a frankly extravagant array of coloured pencils. Daisy adored them, but when Harry suggested perhaps filling in a page or two, as she often did with her brother, she looked in danger of crying again as she said, "No, I want Eggsy."

"Is there anything you'd like read to you?"

"No."

"What would you like to do?"

Rather than respond directly, Daisy began to chant, "No, no, no, no!"

In the end, his shirt was sacrificed in the same manner as his jacket. When she was done crying again—and Harry hoped dearly that she was _done_ this time—she finally, grudgingly agreed that colouring sounded nice. Her eyes were puffy, and Harry did his best to convince her to drink plenty of water to replace all those lost fluids. 

To this last suggestion, she glared and said only, "No."

Daisy was right. Five days did, indeed, sound like forever.

—

The next day, Daisy mostly spent sulking. At one point, Harry tried to take her out.

"What would you like to do? We could go to the park. Or there are a variety of museums in which I hold membership."

Daisy's eyes lit up. "Art museum!"

Eggsy be damned, Harry took her to the Tate. 

—

It was a mistake. The less said, the better.

—

Eggsy called in to video conference after Daisy's bedtime that night. "What's this Lancelot says about you earning a year's ban from a certain museum?"

Stiffly, internally cursing the Kingsmen gossip network, Harry tried, "I have no idea what you're referencing."

Eggsy smirked. "I asked, and Merlin forwarded me the security recording."

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"At least a year's plenty of time to teach Daisy museum etiquette?"

Harry vehemently disagreed.

Before signing off, Eggsy said, eyes gone soft, "Hey, you know I—you know I appreciate this, yeah?"

"It's no trouble."

Eggsy snorted. "Yeah, it is. But you're doing it anyway." His smile was just this side of crooked. "So. Thanks."

Harry shelved the increasingly tempting thought to hiring a nanny service. He said, "Any time."

To his surprise, it was even the truth.

—

Wednesday, Daisy had dance class. Overall, she was in a much better mood, carried forward from the Tate Incident. Sowing chaos and discord agreed with her.

"They'll be back in time for the recital, right?" 

Though Harry couldn't guarantee Eggsy wouldn't be gone again, he found himself helpless to do anything but agree, "Absolutely."

Daisy gave him a suspicious look, but all she said next was, "When we're home, can we have a tea party?"

"Whatever you'd like."

". . . Can we have it at the art museum?"

"Whatever you'd like within reason and the realm of the possible."

Daisy nodded thoughtfully. "Next year, then."

Harry vowed to himself that he would never let that happen.

—

Someone was already in the house when they returned. Harry checked the video feed and smiled. He sent Merlin a quick text—"Thank you."—and asked Daisy, "How do you feel about postponing our party in favor of a surprise?"

"Is it a pony?" 

"I'm afraid not." 

"I think I'd rather—" Daisy's words cut off as Harry opened the front door. She shrieked, wordless, and then, "Eggsy!"

Daisy threw herself into her brother's arms. Eggsy hoisted her up, smiling easily. "How's my princess? Did you miss me?"

Daisy chattered happily and excitedly about her week thus far, skipping any mention of tears and playing up her adventures. Eggsy shared an amused look with Harry.

"Oh, oh, and I have to show you my pictures! Wait here!" Daisy wriggled until Eggsy set her down, then took off, out of the entrance hall and thundering up the stairs.

"What about you?" Eggsy asked, insinuating himself into Harry's space. "Did you miss me?"

Harry slid his fingers along Eggsy's jaw. Eggsy hadn't shaved today. "Hm, let me think. Did I miss the man I love, whom I originally intended to spend the week ravishing at every opportune moment?" Eggsy swallowed, and Harry cupped Eggy's cheek. He pressed their foreheads together. "My dear, foolish boy. Of course I did."

"Fuck, Harry, I missed you, too."

Harry took the opportunity of Daisy's absence to do his best to properly welcome Eggsy home.

All too soon, Daisy's voice was crying out, "Found it!" and heralding her imminent return.

Harry smoothed his thumb along Eggsy's cheek one last time before pulling away. They shared a small, private smile, and Daisy burst back into the entry hall. "Look, look!"

"I see," Eggsy said. "Very nice. I like your decision to use purple there."

"It's not purple," Daisy said with mild exasperation, "it's eggplant."

"Hm, sorry, love, but I'm not sure I understand the difference. You'll have to explain it to me." Eggsy's smile widened as Daisy started waving her hands, clearly excited to talk about one of her favourite topics.

Watching Daisy and Eggsy discuss different shades of colour and the appropriate circumstances in which to use them filled Harry with a great warmth. His chest felt full to bursting, like his body couldn't contain his happiness. Not for the first time, he thought that though he'd survived stabbings, explosions, being shot in the head, and _three days_ alone with a small child, he could never survive without this.

—

Much later, when Daisy had been put to bed, Eggsy turned to Harry and said, voice low, "Let me make it up to you?"

"While I wouldn't say no to whatever you're proposing," Harry said, "in all honesty, just by being here, you already have."

"Even for—"

"We are not talking about the Tate," Harry said firmly.

Eggsy grinned. "I was going to say, 'Even for missing our anniversary,' but if you ever change your mind, I'd love to hear your side of things."

Harry smiled, rueful. "Let's—let's just go to bed, shall we?"

They did. What followed was (almost) worth it when, a year and several months later, Eggsy turned to Harry and said, "Hey, I promised to do this thing with Daisy, but something's come up. You can take care of it, right?" 

It wasn't the Tate, but despite over a year of occasional lessons as to proper museum etiquette, their outing to the National Gallery did not go much better.

"When I grow up," Daisy confided, as they were escorted off the premises, "I'm going to be an art thief. And a super villain. A super villain art thief!"

Britain and its many art museums, Harry was certain, would not survive this.


End file.
